Sometimes I go on a long walk with my headphones in just to think about life, without distractions. I put my phone on aeroplane mode, a relaxing playlist on and I absorb myself in my surroundings. My most recent walk had me thinking about my life and where I'm at. And I thought I'd share it with you incase/in the hope that some of you are feeling the same, or have felt the same and know the struggle!
Being worried about your life when you're 23 seems utterly ridiculous. I'm young, I'm healthy, I've got a great career and travel plans that some can only dream of. I'm lucky. I know that. I've got an amazing family and honestly the most supportive bunch of friends I've ever had. But I'm still a bit...lonely. And it's not something I've ever had to deal with before. This isn't about 'The Breakup' although that does play a massive part in it. This is more about my surroundings and perception of where I "should be" vs. where I actually am. I'm at that weird point in my life where, whenever I look around, I see happy couples planning their lives together. It's intrinsic to my job, which is fine. But the thing I'm not used to, or prepared for, is not having many/any single friends. This is not a whinge, or a bitter rant. It's merely an observation. Isn't it funny how a friend 24 hours younger than I am is engaged and moving in with her beau, whereas the biggest commitment I have in my life is my plane ticket to the other side of the world? Don't get me wrong here, I'm over the moon for her and all the other people in my life who are settled and blissfully happy and I'm genuinely excited about my upcoming travels (if not absolutely terrified). It truly gives me joy to see my loved ones so content. It's just weird. And I am okay (most days) about being on my own. I just feel like I'm wrong for not wanting all that right now. I feel like I'm missing out a bit! I'm a bit scared that while our lives veer off in such different paths that I'll get left behind, traversing tinder and the awful dating scene whilst all my friends discuss nurseries, joint bank accounts and the interiors of their beautiful first homes. I had all that in my sights and while everything happens for a reason and I've got new exciting plans to come I'm a little shell shocked at how quickly and dramatically things can change and the whole future you saw for yourself has to be re-written.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. I guess I'm just reaching out and asking for someone to reassure me that feeling 23 at 23 is alright. That not knowing what the fuck you're doing or where your life is going is ok. I'm scared that everyone seems to have their future perfectly mapped out and I'm still living month to month, not daring to look past the end of the week let alone planning the next few years. I'm not wishing time away, just wishing for a sign from the universe that everything will work out fine. Because knowing you know nothing is the scariest prospect ever.
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